Surrogacy from a Husband’s Point of View

I remember the first time my wife approached me to ask me what I thought about her being a surrogate. She wanted to be a gestational carrier for a woman that was unable to conceive on her own. There was no doubt in my mind that she was serious. I had very little knowledge of what being a surrogate or gestational carrier even meant. The only thing I really knew was she was going to have someone else’s baby. This sparked many questions and concerns for me. I needed to understand exactly what we were getting into. Why she wanted to do this, was easily understood. She has an amazingly huge heart and wanted to give someone else the ultimate gift of being a parent, just because she could. First thing I wanted to know was if her eggs would be used. She explained to me that a gestational carrier meant that her eggs would not be used, so there would be no genetic relation. I was also concerned with things like the stress it was going to put on her body, the process of how everything worked, and my role before, during, and after. I was very concerned with how she would handle having to go through pregnancy, delivery, and then handing the baby over to the parents. I was concerned with how I would handle that. Would there be an attachment to the baby regardless of how many times we told ourselves the baby wasn’t ours and we were doing this for someone else? Was there potentially a larger risk for postpartum depression because she wouldn’t have the mother and baby bond through nursing etc.? We have two young children of our own, would they really understand what was going on? We have always agreed that we would be honest with our children. So what do we tell them? When do we tell them? What happens if they don’t react well? Many of these questions had straight forward answers. Some of them would come over time once we “crossed that bridge”. Even still, I worried a lot throughout the pregnancy. I worried for many of the same reasons, as well as others, when she was pregnant with our own children. One ugly thought that kept rearing its ugly head though, was a dread of what if something goes majorly wrong? What if during delivery she loses the baby? What if my wife dies? I had to push those thoughts away. I needed to be a supportive role throughout this journey.

Time kept rolling by and things seemed “normal” as far as pregnancy goes. As the due date came closer we started making preparations for delivery. Sarah and I went over her birth plan to make sure we were on the same page. When the big day did come, I needed to be her rock. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to be that for her. Once we were in the hospital and things really started picking up, I remember everything clicked for me. I quickly fell into my role and supported my wife physically and emotionally. I remember having all the same feelings and emotions that I did when our children were being born. My only mission at that time was to help my wife deliver a baby. One thing at a time. I couldn’t worry about anything else at the moment. The delivery process brought forth a whole bunch of emotions. My favorite memory is holding her securely in my arms with her head against my chest while she was trying to relax between contractions. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so close, so in love with a beautiful person and a beautiful experience, and so terrified all at the same time.

We have had two journeys together so far. Each one bringing new experiences, memories, and relationships that I will cherish forever. Surrogacy is an amazing journey that is made possible by a little bit of science and a whole lot of love. I’m extremely honored to have been part of something so amazing and wonderful.